[Review] Cat's Eye

(Image Taken From: Movie Poster DB)

Title: Cat's Eye
Language: English
Genre: Horror
Year: 1985

Cat's Eye is a three part horror trilogy written by Stephen King that follows a cat that is trying to find a little girl (Drew Barrymore). In its search it comes across a man named Dick Morrison (James Woods) who finds that the company that he employed to help him quit smoking will go to extreme lengths to keep him off cigarettes and a mobster who makes a bet with his wife's lover's life.



Sometimes I have to walk away from a movie after watching it and take a breather before reviewing it. Cat's Eye was one of those movies that when the credits rolled I was mad. I was mad for wasting my time, for having this annoying uncontrollable need to finish a movie even if I hate it, and I was mad that this movie sucked so bad. Now, just as a disclaimer to the following rant: I like Stephen King. I think that he has some great books, he can make fairly good movies, and sometimes his books make good movies (by the way, Dreamcatcher are none of these). BUT... I'm pretty sure that Stephen King could wipe his ass with a roll of computer paper and it would become a number one seller, a movie, or both. I think that Stephen King does his worst work when he does screenplays for those three story movies (Quicksilver Highway, Creepshow 2, etc). These all usually involve black humor (which is a subtle art and Mr. King sucks at it) and they usually give the impression that he's scraping the bottom of the barrel. I think that this clip sums up most of Stephen King's work perfectly.



Now, let's take the focus off Stephen King for right now and focus on the story. Basically Cat's Eye is the equivalent of the kitten half time show during Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet. You basically watch a cat run around for 60 minutes with several close up shots of its face. Spliced in between cat footage is James Woods, 30 minutes of a man scaling the outside perimeter of an condo building, and a ridiculous troll wearing a jester hat trying to pull off mime comedy. At the very least when I watch a movie from 1985 I want to see some amazingly bad 80's fashion and I want some heavily synthesized riffs. The ending theme Cat's Eye was pretty awesome and the pigeon is really what saved me from throwing myself out the window, but I was already too pissed off that I sat through this turd to enjoy either parts. And what is it about James Woods' face? I just cannot take him seriously.

I read some comments about how people are only rating Cat's Eye poorly because it's not a "horror" movie and Stephen King does other writing besides horror (to which they always support with Shawshank Redemption). Well I walked into this expecting an awesomely bad 80's movie (like Dolls) and instead I writhed on the couch in pain trying to pay attention to the screen. Here's what I mean:


WARNING: Contains Spoilers to the ending of Cat's Eye

This one was bad. Real bad. I would avoid this one at all costs.

1 Star

[Review] Shibuya Kaidan 2: The Locker 2

(Image From" Taiwandramas Blog)

Title: Shibuya Kaidan 2: The Locker 2
Language: Japanese
Genre: Horror
Year: 2004



The trailer has scenes from both the original and its sequel. This is the same trailer as posted before.

I was going to review The Locker 1 and 2 on the same post, but I felt that the first one was getting a bit lengthy, so I made a separate post. At the same time there almost isn't enough to say about The Locker 2 (that isn't basically a rehash of the first) to warrant its own post. The Locker 2 was featured on the same disc as the first The Locker and The Locker 2 picks up, literally, right where the last one left off. We find ourselves at the hospital bed of Rieka Yashima (Asami Mizukawa) with her beloved student Ayano Kubo (Maki Horikita) at her side. Before dying (in a rather erotic way, I dare you to tell me that wasn't death by orgasm. I DARE YOU!) Rieka gives Ayano the key to the haunted locker. In true Scooby Doo style, Ayano scourers the Shibuya district for the locker that the key belongs to hoping to find some answers about her teacher's sudden death.

Being the glutton for punishment that I am, I decided to watch the second installment in the "Locker" series. I'm not sure if it was because I was expecting pure crap, the acting was insanely more tolerable, or if I was just feeling a little more open minded today, but this movie wasn't as bad at the first one. When the movie started, I almost felt kind of bad for the little engine that could(n't). I sat down and was pretty much convinced that it was going to be terrible. In all honesty it had me until just about halfway through. I was thinking, "Aw, this isn't so bad. Maybe I was being a little hard on it...", but of course as soon as the thought fleeted across my mind the movie took a turn for the worse. Really, I have to blame the doctor. His crazed "grief" was well, just plain crazy and over dramatic. Ayano was carrying the movie fairly well until he decided he was going to go for "most memorable freakout". I think that they really didn't know how to end the movie and the last half was their ideas fizzling out.

In this movie we get to know all of the secondary characters featured in the first: Ayano, the Doctor and his assistant, and the people Ayano mentions (the boy she likes and the bullies at school). The locker is also a lot more involved in the movie. Since they figured that we all know the locker is evil they don't have to worry about trying to create any suspense. The 6 year old living in the locker goes on a mass killing spree, taking out anyone who's dumb enough to open it. I say dumb because they rumor is that there's a locker in Shibuya that will make a person love you, but it's also evil and can kill you. It doesn't take a detective to put together that a huge rise in unexplained deaths in love struck teenagers might have a connection. One thing that really perplexes me however, is the fact that they made two separate movies. Both movies run about 65 to 70 minutes each, the second one is a direct continuation of the first and they both had the same actors. With a little fat trimming (mostly the "recap" memories that Ayano had with her moments with Rieka) this could have been one whole (slightly better) movie.

In the end The Locker 2 stole just as much from Ringu and Ju-on as the first one did and did it just as shoddily. I'd skip this one unless you're some sort of weirdo completest (like myself) or you just like bad Asian horror movies without an ounce of originality.


2 Stars

[Review] Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer

Title: Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer
Language: English
Genre: Horror
Year: 1986 (Made), 1990 (Released)

Warning: The trailer gives away major plot points.

Henry is a slice-of-life movie that shows us a moment in the life of Henry (Michael Rooker): a shy, mild mannered, socially awkward serial killer and his friend and roommate Otis (Tom Towles). When we meet Henry, he is already a serial killer and while we do get a small glimpse into how he became a serial killer there really isn't much explanation into his character. He doesn't evolve after his experiences throughout the film and when the movie ends we don't know much more about Henry than we did when we met him. The only thing we do know is that he will continue to kill people until he is caught or he dies.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is one of those movies that makes you feel like taking a shower immediately after viewing. If I wasn't headed there already I'm fairly certain that simply watching this movie sealed the fate of what direction I'm heading after death. The actions of the characters are appalling and yet both Henry and Otis are totally likable people. In between very uncomfortable, disturbing scenes are scenes of (un?)intentional hilarity. I think that's the most disturbing part of the whole movie is that you're watching innocent people being murdered or almost raped and yet, a few moments after the scene you're laughing. Even after what Otis does at the end of the movie (which is actually something that I completely detest and often disturbs me for days after seeing it in a movie, which in turn makes me avoid movies with that particular type of violence in it), I sighed and shook my head and said "Oh, Otis" , like he had merely done something stupid and not morally reprehensible. Not only are these guys kind of likable you end up feeling sorry for them that this is how their lives had to end up. Yup, I'm pretty sure I can see hell from here...

One of the funniest scenes to me was when Becky suggests that they go out and get a beer and Otis says "Let me freshen up" and comes out wearing the shirt above.

I picked up Henry because I saw it on Bravo's 13 Scarier Movie Moments (which was a load of BS, but more on that another time). Since the title of the show was Scarier movie moments was expecting this movie to be, well, SCARY. Alas, Bravo's list has led me astray once again (*cough*Don'tLookNow*coughcough*). I enjoy being scared and Henry simply wasn't scary. It's actually the type of movie I would normally dislike mainly for the disturbingly real scenes of murder and rape. However this movie was really well done and had the perfect blend of oppressingly unsettling and black humor. While this isn't a movie I could watch over and over, it is definitely one I could enjoy again.


3 out of 5

[Review] Shibuya Kaidan: The Locker

[Taken from Movie Poster DB]

Title: Shibuya Kaidan: The Locker
Language: Japanese
Genre: Horror
Year: 2004


The trailer has scenes from both the original and its sequel.

The Locker is about a group of friends who go camping on a weekend trip. The boys tell scary stories about a headless statue close to camp and Rieka Yajima (Asami Mizukawa) begins to hear the distant cry of a baby. Rieka is continually plagued with the distant, sometimes deafening cry of a baby, but she goes back to her daily routine. Suddenly, her friends begin to disappear and soon only she is left to solve her friend's mysterious deaths.

The Locker reaked "student film". From the "hey I can't afford real actors, so I'm going to cast my friends" acting to the cheesy filming locations (all of which looked like places you could film for free) and strange film tricks that seemed painfully out of place (that weird panning they did during the first hospital scene?). All these technical details would have been fine if they story wasn't so generic and just plain blah. I spent the first 50 minutes of the movie wondering if the synopsis writer on ol' netflix had even seen the movie. The locker is barely mentioned once and the seemed to focus more on the statue for unwanted fetuses (uh, yeah. Didn't know Japan had those either). I suppose that this was the writers way of throwing a red herring, so that the ending would be a surprising shock, but the only thing it had in common with a red herring is that it stunk (haha, too far? I'm here all night folks!). At the very least the synopsis could have been a little more subtle. Unfortunately it doesn't stop there. There was no atmosphere, which gave it the scare power of a Halloween episode of Home Improvement. Finally The Locker's last sin is that it was completely unoriginal. The final scene where the girl confronts the "ghost" (which is, of course, a long stringy haired girl who walks disjointedly *sigh*) was ripped right out of Ringu. I won't go into detail, the confrontation scene and the scene afterwards were practically the same. The biggest difference was the amount of money spent on make-up and effects (The Locker of course was the loser of the two). May I present you with Exhibit A and B:

Exhibit A
[Taken from Sarudama.com]

Exhibit B

I really enjoy foreign horror movies. I think what I like best about them is that fact that they're so different because each culture has its own set of mores, superstitions, and things that scare them. It's fun to watch and see if things that are considered scary are scary to me too. With that said, I am freaking sick and tired of the stringy haired Asian girl seeking revenge. While I like Ringu and Ju-on they both really ruined the bulk of Asian horror movies made after 1998 (and 2002 respectively). It's like America's incessant need to remake movies from the 80s, and well any movie really. They've simply run out of good/original ideas, so they keep recycling the same ideas over and over again. I may not be on the up and up of the latest cinema coming out of Asia, but all I keep seeing from the horror genre is the stringy, Asian girl ghost whose hair is in her face and is seeking revenge (being wet is optional). Knock it off!

Anyway, the point is that The Locker lacked in originality, storyline, acting, and budget. One of four is tolerable, but all four a bad movie makes. Skip this one unless you have 70 minutes you don't want back.